I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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