Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
