he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
