just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
