I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
