You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
