he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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