i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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