do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
