We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
