If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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