cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I need mimosas to revive my soul
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
