hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
