Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
