so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
