Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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