You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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