I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
