I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
