you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
