There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
