We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
