i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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