So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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