i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
