We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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