I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
it hurts more in the daytime
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
