dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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