What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
