Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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