If you die in college, do you die in real life?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
