Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Please, let me fuck your mom
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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