I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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