I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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