I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
