I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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