Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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