My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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