I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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