I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Its about making memories worth repressing
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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