Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
