haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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