I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
