this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
