Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
