I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
