Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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