Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
