I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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