yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
