I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
