it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
