I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
