Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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