There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
