The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
