Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
